After a long battled start to the half. Reading burst into our D, with a glaringly obvious dive from the Reading forward, the umpire calls a short corner against Jacob Dutt for a “push” in the back to send the forward to the ground. However, with a well-executed short corner, with Reading slipping the ball to the left and slapped across goal with a sharp tap in to put Reading 1-0 up.
Shortly after the reset of play, with some sharp passing in the midfield the ball finds its way to Jamie Gibson who goes to take a reverse shot towards goal but is pushed with 2 hands in the back by the Reading defender before the shot could be taken. After some deliberation between the 2 umpires a green card (the only card of the game despite some nasty stick tackles and deliberate feet throughout the game) and a p-flick is awarded to Warwick. Alison Isherwood boldly steps up to take on the responsibility; despite a questionable p-flick (with the umpires exchanging looks) the ball finds its way into the back of the net. At least that’s one Charlie Weston couldn’t steal. 1-1
With Warwick taking quick advantage of the extra player advantage, a short corner is won. After 4/5 consecutive shorts, Jamie injects to Ella Ralli at the top of the D who slips the ball to the left for Katarina Hutchin who slaps it from 10 yards out. Charlie goes for a deflection which is stopped on the line but rebounded straight back onto his stick and eventually into the goal (not one of his best goals, but they all count).2-1 Warwick
After a lack of a team talk from Matt Pledge who thought chirpsing with some girls watching on the side-line was more worth his time than captaining us (no wonder he wasn’t chosen for Varsity). The game continues with Reading back to full strength. Warwick find themselves on the attack with some good possession in midfield. Jamie finds himself in the corner and drives into the D, managing to find some space for a rocket of a reverse forcing the keeper to make a world class save in the top right corner, leaving both teams in shock.
Just after half-time Oli Bradbury decides to pick a fight with a Reading player. Obviously still thinking he’s a big man despite not having Raihan Papilaya to back him up. With another burst of play Jamie finds himself in a similar situation and finds another shot once again forcing the keeper to make a quality save with an outstretched leg to the bottom left. Late on into the game Reading have a side-line ball inside our 23 yard line. Where Rai decides it was a good idea to call Dan Skells off from midfield despite needing to defend. Rai realising his mistake sprints on to the pitch to defend. But too little too late as Reading manage to force the ball into the back of the net from 5 yards out. 2-2
The game was coming to a close but in the dying embers of the game. Warwick find themselves with possession in the midfield. With 2 minutes left on the clock Jamie comes back on to the pitch (after some hassle with exchanging bibs), with a simple pass down the line from Charlie. Jamie drives to the bass line and into the D drawing several fouls. Short corner awarded, with 1 minute left on the clock Warwick push players forward looking for a last minute goal. Jamie injects the short to the top of the D which is once again slipped to Kat on the left. Kat takes a shot which is rebounded off a defenders stick and trickles into the goal. Once again, despite Charlie’s best efforts he couldn’t manage to keep up his goal-thieving ways, no matter how hard he tried. With one of the last hits of the game Warwick win 3-2.
A big win for Warwick, giving Oli a reason to claim he’s the better Bradbury. And Rhiannon showing her old club what winning looks like.
DOTD: Matt Pledge for multiple reasons but predominantly thinking he was actually good at flirting.
Honourable mentions: Charlie – Getting a talking to from the umpire after trying to claim a p-flick saying “it was defo a p-flick”
Oli – Thinking he could win in a fight
POTM: Alison – solid general performance in midfield controlling the game.
Honourable Mention: Eve Clarke for some quality defensive tackles all game.
Trent match report (13/10/19) Its been an entire week since we witnessed Brendan’s match report. The cocky Cambridge boys comparison of himself to Jesus was truly unexpected; especially given the only miracle he performed this week was turning a perfectly usable table into a broken one. In the bible, Jesus used fish to feed 5000 people, Brenters used a salmon dive to piss off the SU and waste an unholy amount of purple. Either way his efforts have proven a tough act to follow
Trying to continue our good form on the back of our 7-0 win last week and up against a strong Trent side, we knew it wouldn’t be easy. Luckily for mixed they had an incredible captain to carry them through. You’ve heard of captain America, you may have heard of captain jack sparrow but I am here to tell the tale of one Captain Matt Pledge – arguably the greatest to have ever held the title.
The opposition started strong with a few runs through the middle; but nothing was getting through Captain Pledge or his Mr Smee equivalent Billy Arnold. Trent considered taking up a WBS degree because they knew it would be easier to get through than the Warwick back line.
After a while of back and forth play; captain Pledge decided it was time for his team to score and instructed that Ella scored. Obviously she listened to her captain and followed out his commands. And thanks to Pledge (and in some part Ella) it was 1-0. The second goal went to former Captain Charles Weston – the goal was incredible, a lovely little meg on the keeper whose legs were more open than (insert euphemism).
Pledge decided this wasn’t enough and told the team more goals were required to appease their captain. Frightened of facing his wrath our attacking duo slotted 2 more goals past the keeper. This made Captain Pledge very happy and the score stood at 4-0 at half-time. However what did not make Pledge happy was the fact that his team had already had a green and a yellow card after 1 half of play – believe it or not Oli Bradbury actually knew to leave the field after his card this time. Alison was also unhappy because Charles apparently stole a goal from her. But he has assured me that from playing with her for so long he knew she would have found a way to miss and he was just looking out for the club.
The second half was a little different; we still got two cards but only scored twice. The first came from Oli with a lovely strike – Barcelona fans should look away now – following a corner taken quickly. The final goal was arguably the best, so good that the celebration started before the shot had been taken. Yes captain pledge, leading by example. An incredible run, so gruelling that his knee disintegrated before he could take the shot resulting in not only a superb strike but also a move so elegant it could have featured in a Tchaikovsky ballet.
As it was my mum’s birthday yesterday, I thought it nice to get her a card, and as the umpires were so lovely they decided to help me out. Will a green one suffice they asked, ‘it’ll do perfectly’ I said. What they did not say though was that now my team would have to survive a full two minutes without me. If I was not coaching from the sideline, I honestly have no idea how they would have managed it but the team came through.
The game finished 6-0 to Warwick Mixed, another win and another clean sheet and a very happy Captain. The game could have been 7/8-0 but Ella was determined to not score a hattrick for some reason.
Following the successes of my last match report, I’ve decided to keep this one P.G. and keep the slagging off of the opposition to a bare minimum. I arrived to the pitch with the team already present, loved the keenness, undergoing a warmup courtesy of part-time Billy Arnold, Aaran Somal. After a few stretches and a shoelace we were ready to go. Despite a very promising start, the first goal of the game went to the Cambridge rejects, following a fortunate deflection from a short corner. But we didn’t let this bring us down and some great runs down the wing from Luke Brown (Brownie) and some lovely hockey in the midfield allowed us to go into the break at 1-1. I think its fair to say that we controlled the game from this point. Great interlinking play from Calum and Dan, and some legal tackles from Seb helped us to win yet another short corner. Dan with a first time strike made it 2-1 to mixed. But we weren’t finished there. Another short corner and a lovely goal from Calum made the final score 3-1 to mixed.
Thank you everyone who played, especially those of you who haven’t played a hockey match before. Everyone showed some real promise and I think the potential with this squad will allow us to go a long way this season.
It had been a rainy 2 weeks, 2 weeks of gruelling training under the iron fist of Matt “where are your calves” Pledge. The wet week culminated on Sunday the 6th, when an even wetter team stepped onto the beloved astroturf. Led by our Prez, the team was anxious, it was going to be a tough match. Thankfully for Mixed, at 14:15, our lord and saviour Jesus Brenters arrived. “Fear not disciples” Brenters cried, “For you are saved. He who shareth his red shirt with me will be granted eternal glory”.
Without Brenters on the pitch it was a shambles. Weston dived through the defence, slotting the ball in the right corner. However, Satan’s malice was upon us- his agents (the referees from men’s hockey) blew the whistle and disallowed the goal for “a Leicester foot outside the D”.
Fortunately, Brenters was soon to step upon the pitch, turning the synthetic grass to sacred land. A lovely pass from Weston outside the D connected with Holly’s stick, taking the game to 1-0.
This was one of 7 miracles to be performed. The next miracle; El managing to make a pass. From El to Weston, the ball was hammered in at mach 3 from the p-spot. 2-0.
Next, a free hit by the 25. Our divine CM Brenters picked up the ball and began to drive towards the D. The Leicester defence parted before him like Moses before the Red Sea. No defender dared defy the glory of his Indian dribble. Moments later, the ball was slapped from top D, into the far corner. 3-0. Finally, in the moments before half time, Weston attempted to smite the ball on his reverse. Travelling with divine speed, it reached shoulder height before hitting the far post. Unfortunately, El was unable to make the deflection, the shot being 2 feet above her 3”10 body.
At half time, the false idol Matthew Pledge decreed the 11th commandment; “thou shalt not collect the ball for thine enemies”. Just as the Bible has the Old and New testament, Sunday the 6th had the 1st and 2nd half. It was time for Mixed to continue in their crusade.
Nicholas; one of Brenters’ disciples, was the next to experience a miracle. With divine intervention, El managed a second pass (!!!). Nicholas, the recipient of the Lord’s might, sent the ball past the keeper’s foot. 4-0. Bestowed with religious conviction, Nicholas continued in his mission. Aided in his quest by Holly and Sebastian, Nicholas blinded the Leicester side with his inter-play. With the glory of God, the ball was delivered into the side netting. 5-0.
Aaran was last to perform God’s work. 10 yards out, a drag flick with the might of a thousand legions burrowed its way into the side netting. 6-0.
Spirits were high, the people were drunk upon their own victory. Blinded by their successes, they had forgotten the ancient teachings. Amongst the frivolity, only Brenters stood silent and pensive. “In all your arrogance, you have lost your way” he uttered.
It was time for his second coming.
To rapturous applause, Brenters returned to the pitch. It was time. Within seconds, he had placed the ball into the goal. Like water to wine, Brenters transformed the scoreline from 6 to 7.
But Brenters knew a betrayal was soon to come.
After sending a reverse hit into the heavens, he watched as his disciples scorned him. Charlie Weston, a right cock, shouted at Brenters “You dick, pass the fucking ball”. But Brenters knew a betrayal was soon to come.
Upon failing a pass, Brenters received yet more abuse from Weston who was being even more of a cock. “Pass the ball you wetter” he shouted.
But Brenters knew a betrayal was soon to come.
Finally, Brenters ran into the D only to miss his final shot. Charlie proceeded to decry his teacher yet again with more words of malice.
It was time, the cock had crowed 3 times.
With the match over, Mixed gathered in the goal, only to betray Brenters. With spite in their eyes, the disciples crucified him, labelling him “Dick of the Day”.
And as the sun set, Brenters was lay to rest in the tomb that is Claycroft block 3, content, knowing that through his actions, Mixed had achieved salvation.