**DISCLAIMER** This report was written by me and me in it's entirety. However if you have any questions/queries please direct them at Nick Metcalfe #PlagiarismWho?
You've been warned.
UWMXDHC LADIES VS UWLHC 4S
I’m going to level with you, this match was over a week ago and I am realllllly rather hazy on the details. As a result, I’m gonna write this like a live match commentary aka in reverse with important highlights. Let’s go for a whirl! (The order may be entirely wrong lol).
Final result 4-1. Thanks for tuning in to this live commentary. See you again soon.
POTM: Cami. Put IN a shiftttttt in defence. The Pagen of our times (niche reference). I hadn’t seen someone reject so many advances since Billy week 10 term 2 pop last year at around 12:07 am.
DOTD: Rads for, and I quote, “banter”.
SHOUT OUT: WELL DONE EVERYONE WHO PLAYED THEIR FIRST GAME! YOU SMASHED IT AND I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!!! HOPEFULLY SEE YOU ALL ON THE PITCH AGAIN SOOOOON. I’m looking at you Shavon, Elyse, Avneet, Tabitha, Brooke, Laura, Elizabeth and Freya. Way to go guys!!! :)))
FULL-TIME: The whistle goes. We won!!!!!!! Smashed it team, woo go us! Final score 4-1.
Goal! 4-1!! Picture this: the ball is passed into Bernie who’s got her back to keeper around 2/3m out from the goal. She controls it well, holds it up before taking it round the keeper (mugging them off lol) and slotting it in the empty goal.
Goal!! 3-1, don’t ask me how, not a clue, all I know was bernie scored it. Go team. I bet it was sick. Some real team build up play probably. Some mad skills I reckon too.
2-1: ELLA HAS BEEN MOVED TO CB! REPEAT! ELLA IS AT CB!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! She was pretty decent too tbf. *In a James Acaster voice* fair play….fair play.
GOALLLLL!!! Lily banged that bad boy bottom corner. Keeper had no chance! We lead 2-1 woooo!
1-1: We’ve won a short! Not sure what it was given for, got a bit distracted by the tunes still banging (god Nick and Charlie are unrivalled). We’ve got Lily lining up to bin this ball bottom corner. Fingers crossed. So El has just informed me that she won the short by drawing a foot (go pal!). Don’t really wanna rewrite the above bit tho cos it drops some truth about the DJing.
1-1: People be playing hockey. Our newbies are playing really well, doing yourselves proud.
GOOALLLL! 1-1. But it’s a sad one. It was them. We’re sad. Very sad. Oh well. Probs was a jammy goal. OH WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED IT WAS A BIT JAMMY. So really it doesn’t count. Good clean sheet guys.
1-0: Game restarts. Few position changes but how am I meant to know who and where over a week later smh. If only I had the smallest shred of organisational skills and could write this on time (RIP MY APPS).
Half-time. The ladies of the Warwick Mixed Hockey variety head into the changing rooms (or, more accurately, the rubbish dug out followed by the goal). It’s 1-0 to us. Billy is giving them some useful advice and tactics.
GOALLLLLL!!!! We scorreeddddd!!! Lily did nice lil run, got edge of D and binned it bottom corner. We just love to see it! Very nice finish indeeeed! 1-0 to us.
0-0: Not much to report. Balls getting stuck in midfield a lot. Both defences looking good. Some promising attacks from El, Ella, Brooke (shout out given its your first game!!) and Lily but falling at the final hurdle.
0-0: Both teams have had some good attacks but my god Cami is a BEASTTTTTTTT solid a rock at the back. Cleaning up as thoroughly as Brendan’s mum used to with his crusty socks back in the day (lol back in what day its now lol).
0-0: It’s a pretty cagey start, people are still finding they’re feet.
0-0: Okay they’re now ready to go! And now weeeee’re off! LETS GOOOOOOOO!!
Push-back!!! The tunes are blaring (shout out to Charlie and Nick for DJing like complete professionals [@Disco dave they’re coming for you]) and the team is……not ready to go they’re still chit chatting and the umpires and trying to hurry them up.