October 15th, 2019

Trent match report (13/10/19)
Its been an entire week since we witnessed Brendan’s match report. The cocky Cambridge boys comparison of himself to Jesus was truly unexpected; especially given the only miracle he performed this week was turning a perfectly usable table into a broken one. In the bible, Jesus used fish to feed 5000 people, Brenters used a salmon dive to piss off the SU and waste an unholy amount of purple. Either way his efforts have proven a tough act to follow

Trying to continue our good form on the back of our 7-0 win last week and up against a strong Trent side, we knew it wouldn’t be easy. Luckily for mixed they had an incredible captain to carry them through. You’ve heard of captain America, you may have heard of captain jack sparrow but I am here to tell the tale of one Captain Matt Pledge – arguably the greatest to have ever held the title.

The opposition started strong with a few runs through the middle; but nothing was getting through Captain Pledge or his Mr Smee equivalent Billy Arnold. Trent considered taking up a WBS degree because they knew it would be easier to get through than the Warwick back line.

After a while of back and forth play; captain Pledge decided it was time for his team to score and instructed that Ella scored. Obviously she listened to her captain and followed out his commands. And thanks to Pledge (and in some part Ella) it was 1-0. The second goal went to former Captain Charles Weston – the goal was incredible, a lovely little meg on the keeper whose legs were more open than (insert euphemism).

Pledge decided this wasn’t enough and told the team more goals were required to appease their captain. Frightened of facing his wrath our attacking duo slotted 2 more goals past the keeper. This made Captain Pledge very happy and the score stood at 4-0 at half-time. However what did not make Pledge happy was the fact that his team had already had a green and a yellow card after 1 half of play – believe it or not Oli Bradbury actually knew to leave the field after his card this time. Alison was also unhappy because Charles apparently stole a goal from her. But he has assured me that from playing with her for so long he knew she would have found a way to miss and he was just looking out for the club.

The second half was a little different; we still got two cards but only scored twice. The first came from Oli with a lovely strike – Barcelona fans should look away now – following a corner taken quickly. The final goal was arguably the best, so good that the celebration started before the shot had been taken. Yes captain pledge, leading by example. An incredible run, so gruelling that his knee disintegrated before he could take the shot resulting in not only a superb strike but also a move so elegant it could have featured in a Tchaikovsky ballet.

As it was my mum’s birthday yesterday, I thought it nice to get her a card, and as the umpires were so lovely they decided to help me out. Will a green one suffice they asked, ‘it’ll do perfectly’ I said. What they did not say though was that now my team would have to survive a full two minutes without me. If I was not coaching from the sideline, I honestly have no idea how they would have managed it but the team came through.

​ The game finished 6-0 to Warwick Mixed, another win and another clean sheet and a very happy Captain. The game could have been 7/8-0 but Ella was determined to not score a hattrick for some reason.

POTM: Ella Ralli

DOTD: Aaran Somal (Yellow card), Ella Ralli/Oli Bradbury/Matt Pledge (Green card). Ikr more dicks than in Tommy’s search history

COTD: Luke Reynolds